If you read my Breastfeeding: When do you stop? then you will know that Alfie used to be a booby monster and I thought that our breastfeeding journey was maybe coming to an end then. We are now two months down the line. Alfie fed like crazy after I published that post, typical hey? But this week has been very different. He’s fed twice in a week, one day out of seven. I think this is it. I think this is the end of our breastfeeding journey.
I tried to cut out in the day feeds a long time ago. He didn’t need them, he was getting using them to not go to bed, not nap and quite frankly being a bit of a monkey. I was more than happy to keep the bedtime feed, if he wanted it, and the morning one. The in the night one was also becoming a bit of a pain because he just wanted to use me as a comfort and use me as an ‘in’ into our bed. It worked 99.9% of the time. Until I cut it out.
I started writing this post four days ago. Alfie then fed twice that day. What will tomorrow bring?!
This week, he hasn’t asked. He’s not been interested at all. We have been busy, but he would normally ask if we were having a big cuddle. That’s stopped. I think this is him weaning himself off.
How do I feel?
I’m actually really emotional about it.
I miss it.
I miss having that time with Alfie where I know that I am the only person he can turn to for what he wants. I miss those gorgeous blue eyes looking up at me. I miss our cuddles. I miss the fact he knows he can come to me and have a feed if he gives me puppy dog eyes, because I’m not strong enough to say no! I’m sad that it’s naturally come to an end. I’m sad that we couldn’t carry on for any longer even though I only ever wanted to go to six months.
I know some people think I should’ve stopped a long time ago. I really don’t care what they think. That may seem harsh, but this is our journey, only what we want matters. Alfie is probably done with breastfeeding, I’m sad and I’ll miss it, but if that’s what he wants that’s fine. He can still come and have massive cuddles, he can still come and sit on my knee and give cuddles and bury his head into my shoulder because he knows that I will tell daddy he can stay up for five more minutes and he can still look at me and give me puppy dog eyes and probably get whatever he wants.
I’ve always shied away from posting photos of me whilst breastfeeding. I’m not entirely sure why. I think I’ve always over thought it and worried what people would say. Some of my all time favourite photos are of Alfie looking up at me whilst feeding. Or, more recently, looking up at me, smiling, with half a boob in his mouth and him trying to look another direction! The monkey!
I know some people aren’t able to breastfeed, I’m so glad that I was able too. How long did you breastfeed for? Were you sad when you stopped?
Mummy Fox xx